i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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