i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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