Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
