I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
