I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
