One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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