You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
