so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
