I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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