I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
