He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
