Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
