i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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