i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
