At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
