and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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