I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are all done wearing pants today
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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