2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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