Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
