I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
