operation harelip BJ is a go
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
