im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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