I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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