found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
