I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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