my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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