So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
