I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
