To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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