R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
