____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
