Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
