If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
