Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
