Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
