my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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