Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
