it wasn't lemon gatorade
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
