3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
