the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
