I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
