Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
