I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
