Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
