Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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