Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
