we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
