Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
