you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
