why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
