dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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