"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
