I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
