My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
